endless grace

My son has a disability.
A diagnosis.
A thing that impacts all other parts of his life.

 It's not visible upon first inspection of him.   But the deeper you look, the longer you examine, the more you see he's not like others.  He is not like his peers.  He is different.  He stands alone. Separate.

And yet, in this difference, his depth of compassion and grace is richer than my own.
His ability to forgive, to wait until I understand and get it right is limitless.

He's been struggling with a literature class in his school.  He was given an assignment and instead of going through the basic steps of introduction, he was thrown into the fray.  Read the book, discuss, get quizzed on selected chapters, write an essay and develop a soundtrack appropriate for the essay.

As the days passed, his frustration grew.  He didn't comprehend the literature, and so how could he synthesize it? How could he thoughtfully build interpretation, if he hadn't understood? The teacher and the class raced ahead, while he remained, stubbornly, rightly on page one, paragraph one.  Oh, he obeyed and he read.  But he didn't get it.

And finally, I caught up to where he was at. God, in heaven, how I feel like I failed him.  He waited, patiently, as teachers threatened and frustration mounted and he grew confused and shut down, but he didn't move forward from his spot.  He asked questions, but didn't get answers.  It wasn't him.  It was us, the teachers and leaders in his life.

It was us that failed, not him.

And now that I know,
now that I understand, I can help.

I read the first page, aloud,
the opening paragraphs
and as we read,
we discussed,
we defined terms,
and he understood.

How long he waited.
How long I let him down.

As leaders, we race ahead and then have the audacity to get mad at our people because they are confused, they are frustrated.
And we blame them, call them lazy or stupid,
when in all truth, we haven't led well.
We judge their expression,
we conclude their thinking,
we assume so much,
when in truth, we haven't taken the time to investigate.

A good leader has followers who know and understand.
Followers who can agree with mission, repeat vision, and carry out the plan.

I am humbled and amazed at the endless grace my son gave me in this assignment.

How long will it take for me to get it right?
How long must he suffer at our expense?


Be careful how you live, not as unwise, but as wise...Ephesians 5:15