every story, real story,
needs a villain
it would be ridiculously boring to write a tale about a brave hero who kept their socks clean, their room, tidy, as they went off to sit at a desk and smile.
it would be notoriously mind-numbing to live a life where there wasn't a conflict,
a struggle to push through, a hill to climb, a goal to complete, a skill to master.
every plot that ever was needs a character of strength that fights epic battles,
wins the war through enormous personal growth, and brings home the prize.
every good story needs a conflict where honor and integrity rise above the unimaginable odds and
rescue and redemption are achieved.
The problem begins and ends when the hero focuses on the villian and not the strategy to overcome.
The issue arises when the hero looses hope, becomes overwhelmed, and can't talk themselves through to the solutions. This is where battles are fought and won. In the mind, before one even engages in the reality of the battle around them.
Dare to let the villain spur you to greatness,
leverage the power of the bad to surge you to press on to the good,
let it motivate, use it as a tool....
We cannot take our eyes off of the goal, no matter how much smack is talked,
how great the cost, how ridiculous the pressure to re-orient,
-to pay attention to the distraction is the most deadly move a hero can make.
keep the focus,
go above, stretch beyond,
journey by faith,
believe in the unseen,
and rise to fight
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
confession from a hopefully recovering people pleaser
A people pleaser does what others ask; no matter what.
Need help? I'm your girl.
Want an idea? I'll think one up.
Have a task to complete? I'll jump in.
Don't want to do something? Sure, I can cover for you.
Can't make the obligation you said you would do? No problem, I'll handle it.
And then there is my own responsibilities.
I need help...but I can't ask others because that's not what people pleaser's do.
It wouldn't please them.
I want a better idea...but I can't ask because I should have figured it out on my own.
It wouldn't benefit others if they knew I didn't have all the ideas.
I have too many tasks to complete....but it's my fault because I'm not a good manager.
It would prove to others I'm not capable.
I don't want to do something......but I have too, so I'll bend my skill set, adapt, push through, argue with my inner self, because that's what's expected.
It wouldn't be good to show I can't do it all.
I need to fulfill all my obligations because that's integrity and honor.
It wouldn't be right to show others I make mistakes, I fail.
And failure is never an option to a people pleaser.
And that's the art of self-sabotage,
multiplied by thousands of thoughts, actions, decisions,
every day.
No wonder I need rehab.
Need help? I'm your girl.
Want an idea? I'll think one up.
Have a task to complete? I'll jump in.
Don't want to do something? Sure, I can cover for you.
Can't make the obligation you said you would do? No problem, I'll handle it.
And then there is my own responsibilities.
I need help...but I can't ask others because that's not what people pleaser's do.
It wouldn't please them.
I want a better idea...but I can't ask because I should have figured it out on my own.
It wouldn't benefit others if they knew I didn't have all the ideas.
I have too many tasks to complete....but it's my fault because I'm not a good manager.
It would prove to others I'm not capable.
I don't want to do something......but I have too, so I'll bend my skill set, adapt, push through, argue with my inner self, because that's what's expected.
It wouldn't be good to show I can't do it all.
I need to fulfill all my obligations because that's integrity and honor.
It wouldn't be right to show others I make mistakes, I fail.
And failure is never an option to a people pleaser.
And that's the art of self-sabotage,
multiplied by thousands of thoughts, actions, decisions,
every day.
No wonder I need rehab.
zeal for your house consumes me
the greatest lesson I learned while training to run marathons was
the all consuming discipline of following
the training schedule.
nothing dominated my brain more than
when the next run
was to take place.
what time would I run?
what would I eat?
how much water had I taken in?
had I used the bath room?
where would I use a bathroom on long runs if I had to go?
was it a day of rest?
how many miles did I have to complete?
how fast was each mile?
should I stash a water bottle along the way?
what trail would I follow?
how many hills did my run have?
how quickly would I recover?
did my breathing sustain over the long runs?
would I get cramps in my legs?
what would I wear as I ran?
should I wave, smile, or say to hi other runners?
do I have the right music to listen to?
should I listen to music while running?
what is the weather like?
what kind of road conditions are present?
did I have clean running gear?
how many miles were on my shoes?
why did they change the asics 2150's?
how come I was getting blisters?
these questions would go around and around,
on and on in my brain
and it would repeat after each box was checked and each training run completed.
it consumed me.
nothing rose above the Hal Higdon training schedule in my mind.
nothing.
Today I read that the zeal for your house consumes me*.
Zeal-even more passionate than addiction and fear,
Zeal-even more poetic and heroic than hate,
Zeal for his father's house drove every move.
And this zeal for God drove Jesus.
Every day.
It defined every action,
It guided every thought,
It completed every sentence.
In this day, will I choose to make
my God my all-consuming motive, action, thought, word, and deed?
*John 2:17
the all consuming discipline of following
the training schedule.
nothing dominated my brain more than
when the next run
was to take place.
what time would I run?
what would I eat?
how much water had I taken in?
had I used the bath room?
where would I use a bathroom on long runs if I had to go?
was it a day of rest?
how many miles did I have to complete?
how fast was each mile?
should I stash a water bottle along the way?
what trail would I follow?
how many hills did my run have?
how quickly would I recover?
did my breathing sustain over the long runs?
would I get cramps in my legs?
what would I wear as I ran?
should I wave, smile, or say to hi other runners?
do I have the right music to listen to?
should I listen to music while running?
what is the weather like?
what kind of road conditions are present?
did I have clean running gear?
how many miles were on my shoes?
why did they change the asics 2150's?
how come I was getting blisters?
these questions would go around and around,
on and on in my brain
and it would repeat after each box was checked and each training run completed.
it consumed me.
nothing rose above the Hal Higdon training schedule in my mind.
nothing.
Today I read that the zeal for your house consumes me*.
Zeal-even more passionate than addiction and fear,
Zeal-even more poetic and heroic than hate,
Zeal for his father's house drove every move.
And this zeal for God drove Jesus.
Every day.
It defined every action,
It guided every thought,
It completed every sentence.
In this day, will I choose to make
my God my all-consuming motive, action, thought, word, and deed?
*John 2:17
Monday, September 9, 2013
luke 5: 16
16But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed
Such a simple sentence.
A moment of surrender, when Jesus stepped back.
I think the word often screams loudly.
A posture, a habit, a way to live.
withdrew.
step away and retreat.
lonely places.
for much of my life,
I've feared lonely places.
They seem so alone. so un fun.
so quiet.
boring.
unproductive.
a violation of all I grew up to believe and to do.
Better to be asleep or dead than to be alone and un working.
But if I'm to be like my master, my savior,
I'm to copy, to repent, to do what he does.
Such a simple sentence.
A moment of surrender, when Jesus stepped back.
I think the word often screams loudly.
A posture, a habit, a way to live.
withdrew.
step away and retreat.
lonely places.
for much of my life,
I've feared lonely places.
They seem so alone. so un fun.
so quiet.
boring.
unproductive.
a violation of all I grew up to believe and to do.
Better to be asleep or dead than to be alone and un working.
But if I'm to be like my master, my savior,
I'm to copy, to repent, to do what he does.
pray.
pray.
pray.
I wonder for as much as I talk, listen to others, and do
I should be infinitely more praying, and soaking, reading, listening, and obeying my master?
to live.
to live,
be.
to be humble,
serve people who have no intention of serving you back.
to love,
give freely without expectation, qualification, definition, or reservation.
to dream,
tear away all that binds and encroaches and risk
to feel,
open up to all emotion
to know,
consider all possibility
to accept,
push beyond convention to truth
they are completely different
to understand,
walk blindly in faith
to be free,
dance and run and breath and grow and change.
be.
to be humble,
serve people who have no intention of serving you back.
to love,
give freely without expectation, qualification, definition, or reservation.
to dream,
tear away all that binds and encroaches and risk
to feel,
open up to all emotion
to know,
consider all possibility
to accept,
push beyond convention to truth
they are completely different
to understand,
walk blindly in faith
to be free,
dance and run and breath and grow and change.
the human design
It is my belief that humans are designed for faith and for reason.
It is my position that humans need a balance of structure and freedom,
work and play, growth and rest, push and pull.
We are complex and multifaceted.
Each day needs the recipe of spirit and of physical presence.
We are not capable of thriving in extremes for long periods of time;
not in our thinking,
not in our loving,
not in our working,
not in our playing.
Too much will corrupt us.
They only way to discover true self is to seek the one who created us.
To soak in His teaching,
to receive His love,
His sacrifice,
His truth.
And this journey is life-long, never-ending; save death.
I need both activity and stillness.
I need a life work that fulfills and satisfies as much as I need a place of quiet and rest.
I need to create and converse as much as I need to be silent and receive.
I need community and love, critique and coaching as much as I need reflection.
I long to be alone in a measured and properly dosed kind of way.
Just enough to be quiet and still.
I long to be healthy with the proper balance of taking and giving,
blessing and receiving, and I am learning that no one, save my savior and me will do it for me.
gasping for air
Do you ever have a moment when you take a really big breath in
only to realize that you've been holding your breath
for a very, very long time?
That for months,
you've been gasping for air,
reaching for a safe place,
grasping to hang on,
struggling to be steady and true,
and you don't even realize the place you've been is killing you slowly?
And then, taking in a bigger-than-big,
deeper-than-deep,
fuller-than-full-kind-of-breath,
you see, finally you see
that you've been sick, or compromised, or dusty, or abandoned, or defeated, or deceived for a long time?
"I'm waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
I'm breathing in the chemicals"
Imagine Dragons-Radioactive.
That's one way to breath in, waking up to the reality around me.
It is a harsh and cold reality.
It's candy-coated and it's blasted with sin; broken, jagged, scarred, and cut in a million tiny pieces.
We are a broken people.
I am a broken being.
But then, there are these moments of clarity,
moments of rest,
deep breath kind of moments
where glimpses of the unseen are around me.
There is this other reality that teaches that all is not what we see or possibly it is more than what we see,
"God knows that when you eat the fruit of that tree, you will know things you have never known before. You will be able to tell the difference between good and evil."
"So she took some of the fruit and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. And he ate it. Then both of them knew thongs they have never known before." And then they became afraid, ashamed, hiding and running away.
"The man has become like one of us. He can tell the difference between good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach his hand and pick fruit from the tree of life and eat it. If he does, he will live forever." And I see that living forever, in the that place of knowledge without reason and rescue, would be an eternal state of this here and now reality. And this current place of now and not yet is maddening and one of patient endurance. All is not what it is meant to be.
And so the curse begins.
And along side of it, begins a rescue mission.
only to realize that you've been holding your breath
for a very, very long time?
That for months,
you've been gasping for air,
reaching for a safe place,
grasping to hang on,
struggling to be steady and true,
and you don't even realize the place you've been is killing you slowly?
And then, taking in a bigger-than-big,
deeper-than-deep,
fuller-than-full-kind-of-breath,
you see, finally you see
that you've been sick, or compromised, or dusty, or abandoned, or defeated, or deceived for a long time?
"I'm waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
I'm breathing in the chemicals"
Imagine Dragons-Radioactive.
That's one way to breath in, waking up to the reality around me.
It is a harsh and cold reality.
It's candy-coated and it's blasted with sin; broken, jagged, scarred, and cut in a million tiny pieces.
We are a broken people.
I am a broken being.
But then, there are these moments of clarity,
moments of rest,
deep breath kind of moments
where glimpses of the unseen are around me.
There is this other reality that teaches that all is not what we see or possibly it is more than what we see,
"God knows that when you eat the fruit of that tree, you will know things you have never known before. You will be able to tell the difference between good and evil."
"So she took some of the fruit and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her. And he ate it. Then both of them knew thongs they have never known before." And then they became afraid, ashamed, hiding and running away.
"The man has become like one of us. He can tell the difference between good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach his hand and pick fruit from the tree of life and eat it. If he does, he will live forever." And I see that living forever, in the that place of knowledge without reason and rescue, would be an eternal state of this here and now reality. And this current place of now and not yet is maddening and one of patient endurance. All is not what it is meant to be.
And so the curse begins.
And along side of it, begins a rescue mission.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
gift after gift after gift
from John 1:16-18
a meditation
"We all live off his generous bounty"
everyone-saint and sinner, lost and found, critic and cheerleader
everything comes from God, everything we have, we own, we receive, we control, we delight in and we hate, we wrestle with and we reconcile to, everything
"gift after gift after gift"
what are your gifts? what are mine? How is a gift defined?
Is it what I've gained through skill,
is it what I've mastered through talent?
is it unspoken and unannounced, or does it scream and blurt out?
is it in things or in tasks? people or in relationship?
"We got the basics from Moses"
-the law was given
-blessing with obedience
-curses from rebellion
-the foundation was established, return to it, review it, know it and live it
"And then this exuberant giving and receiving,
endless knowing and understanding-all of this came through
Jesus, the Messiah"
completing Moses' beginning, Jesus is endless endings
establishing covenant, Jesus confirms it
all expression of joy and fulfillment, destiny and purpose, all this...comes through Jesus
and it keeps on coming
"This one-of-a-kind-God-Expression, who exists at the very heart of the Father, has made him plain as day."
Do you want God?
Do you want to know the heart of the Father?
then know Jesus, follow Jesus, seek Jesus, obey Jesus, live Jesus, taste of Jesus, express Jesus, love Jesus...
again and again and again as the
gift after gift after gift pours out.
Seek it with everything.
a meditation
"We all live off his generous bounty"
everyone-saint and sinner, lost and found, critic and cheerleader
everything comes from God, everything we have, we own, we receive, we control, we delight in and we hate, we wrestle with and we reconcile to, everything
"gift after gift after gift"
what are your gifts? what are mine? How is a gift defined?
Is it what I've gained through skill,
is it what I've mastered through talent?
is it unspoken and unannounced, or does it scream and blurt out?
is it in things or in tasks? people or in relationship?
"We got the basics from Moses"
-the law was given
-blessing with obedience
-curses from rebellion
-the foundation was established, return to it, review it, know it and live it
"And then this exuberant giving and receiving,
endless knowing and understanding-all of this came through
Jesus, the Messiah"
completing Moses' beginning, Jesus is endless endings
establishing covenant, Jesus confirms it
all expression of joy and fulfillment, destiny and purpose, all this...comes through Jesus
and it keeps on coming
"This one-of-a-kind-God-Expression, who exists at the very heart of the Father, has made him plain as day."
Do you want God?
Do you want to know the heart of the Father?
then know Jesus, follow Jesus, seek Jesus, obey Jesus, live Jesus, taste of Jesus, express Jesus, love Jesus...
again and again and again as the
gift after gift after gift pours out.
Seek it with everything.
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