Saturday, June 5, 2010

anticipate i s a heightened state

Imagine living on adrenaline your whole life...or at least the awake parts.
Imagine waking up and moving either 100 mph or being comatose.
Imagine always expecting, always holding your breath, always wondering, always waiting.
Imagine anticipating and never living; fully, completely, abundantly living.

Anticipate is a heightened state.

It's full alert. It's code red. It's thinking faster, running harder, it's interrupting and never listening, it's blurred, it's fixed, it's focused, it's acute. It's rigorous and relentless. It's constant, unmet expectation. It's goals that are never achieved, or if achieved, never celebrated so that the next goal looms larger than the one before. It's emotionally deadening.

I've lived much of my life anticipating and never enjoying. Never just being.

Breathe in...one, two. Breathe out...one, two. Breathe in...one, two. Breathe out...one, two.

"Listen, my child. I have things to teach you. Watch, my child and pay attention to the wisdom I have to say. Slow down, my child, and live abundantly."