those who know you the most hurt you the deepest

so knowing brings so much to the forefront about a person; what they like, what they are good at, how they live, the kinds of decision they make, the habits they form, and on and on and on. Knowledge leads to endless understanding, observation serves to provide further insight, but what of all that intelligence gathering if the intent is to hurt, to punish, to destroy rather than to love, to build up, to celebrate?

we get hurt by those who know us the most, understand us the deepest, and the cruelty of that act is devastating. We long to be known fully and when we finally are, wounding happens. The wounding is incubated in a petrie dish of despair and control and pain and fear and it invades every cell, every tissue, until a pain so vivid shuts down our hearts or causes us to build walls so high no one will ever hurt us again.

I contend that God alone can meet us at the place of deep wounding, and God alone can lead us out. And God alone will neither leave us nor abandon us, His promise is sure and His character is true.

While we can identify with the hurt inflicted by another, can we equally identify the unquenchable healing that God provides?

can't love what you don't know

it's all about the knowing, having knowledge about a person, understanding their perspective, collecting facts about their habits, comprehending their quirks, preferences, likes and dislikes; all of this leads to an ability to love. And not just casually, a love that is random and fleeting, but to love fully. You can't love what you don't know.

I learned a week later that my nephew what born. Perfect and seamless, the process sped by and a new family member was born. And I didn't know a thing about it. I couldn't respond with salutation, I couldn't praise with delight, because I didn't know. And in a way it's sad.

Communication is so closely linked to knowledge. How do you gain knowledge? Through communication; from teacher to student, from author to reader, from lecturer to learner, from conversation to comprehension. Families that don't communicate are sad, they are empty, and they are loveless.

How much do we miss out of life when we don't love fully, live completely, make connections with others? And how much more do we miss out of a relationship with our creator when we don't get to know Him, worship Him, read His words, and connect with His people.

Do you want someone to love you madly, completely, unconditionally? It begins with communication.......what will your first words be?

embrace the road and fly....

"Did you know? You get another chance? It doesn't always have to be this way. You can let it go, lay it down. It's not quitting, you know-to alter course, to see things in snapshots instead of one, continuous uninterrupted stream. It doesn't all have to go together. And for goodness-sake, it won't all match. it's not an outfit for an afternoon tea, it's bigger, greater.....it's living life and you'll never figure it out. blind trust. ruthless obedience. tenacious faith. that's all there is. so live. throw caution to the wind, step through the door, embrace the road, and fly."

healing

rushing to the pet hospital, I try to restrain taunt muscles of fur, whimpering that can not be reasoned with, pain that cannot be explained. Minutes rush by and I try to hold the dog back, manage the wound, and drive to the hospital.

weaving through traffic, diligent to the task at hand, I seek out help. It will be costly, this process of healing. It will take time. It will take sacrifice. Healing is expensive. It is intensive. It requires diligence to the task, commitment to the process.

and so it begins upon arrival; the dog is admitted for care and five hundred dollars later, having been put to sleep and repaired, stitches angrily mark the evidence of a wound, the tear of fur and the exposure of muscle.

i feel the adrenaline surge and then wain in my body; I am exhausted and the release is heavy. No vomiting, no tears, no sorrow; just a stillness, a shock, and a horror of what I've seen. I replay the scene again and again, the blood dripping, the tissue visible to my eye. I imagine how it feels, every nerve in my body reacting to the anticipated pain. Empathy can cripple at times, and I am overwhelmed.

The healing process will take weeks and my dog will wear the "cone of shame" to prevent his licking the wound. Daily, he'll receive antibiotics. We'll watch diligently for signs of infection. It will take care. And love. Healing requires love, demands that I remain attentive, fully engaged.

Do I think that the person who has wounded me in the past can honestly attend to my healing? Do any of us? When we are wounded deeply, with intent to harm, by that same hand can we find healing?

We are taught to forgive those who hurt us, forgive as we have been forgiven, love as we are loved. But how can we forgive the unforgivable? the unimaginable? the horrific? and the intended?

love teaches us how, the One before us shows us the way, the path has already been walked, and through His power, we can find freedom in forgiveness. But it takes time, it takes commitment to healing, diligence to the process.

am i better Father, from the wounding? am i healed Abba? will it ever end?

To which my Father replies, "Trust in my care, Follow me and my paths of righteousness. Walk beside my still waters and I will give you rest. I will never leave you or forsake you."

Commit to His process. It will take a life time of everyday choices, purposeful decisions, moments of surrender, but healing will begin. Don't let the second of past wounding outweigh a lifetime of healing.

wounding

I hear it first. The cry of pain. I was instantly drawn to the sound and witness the bright, red blood backdropped against the brilliant white fur. My dog was injured. Instantly, I called to him and he came; cowering at my feet, hiding between me legs, whimpering and shaking as he tried to sit down.

The bright red dripped slowly from an injury to his leg and I knew it was time to see the vet.

It happened in less than a second. Quick, decisive, the wounding was certain, the cut real and stitches needed.

What occurred could not be undone. What happened could not be erased. A moment of speed and quest to hunt down the random squirrel taunting in the backyard leading to an encounter with pain.

My dog was bleeding and I needed help for healing to begin.

That's how wounding happens. Whether it's random or delivered on purpose, a single second can change the course of time, it can alter reality, it can impact a lifetime of next choices. One single moment can destroy, can break, can shatter, can alter a life story in profound and powerful ways.

What is your wound? How did it happen?