the arboretum

it's the place where abundance lives;

where beauty, in it's vastness adores the pathways,

is frivolously poured out in the roads,

is lavished on the hillsides and tossed in the wind,

is ridiculously painted on the trees, and cleverly hidden in plain view,

endless streams of color and texture flowing, growing, changing melting,

this intensity is so vivid, so immense, that to trample on it, trod upon it, kick it up is completely ordinary and expected.

truth revealed

sometimes I'm buried so deep I can't see clearly.

I lose perspective; time ceases to have meaning, things blur together-slurred and unfocused

sometimes I stay in this state for weeks and months; forgetting what is real and eternal, what is sharp and pure and honest and true. sometimes I get lost, my attention is diverted, and I get disoriented. And then, there is a moment of clarity-a gift of honesty, a splash of cold water, a breath of fresh air, and in that moment, truth is revealed.

Truth came today;

I was desperate, running, searching,longing, and grieving.

Truth was spoken in that calm, quiet stillness, when only truth can be known, heard, and understood for what it is.

I learned two things about me today.

I learned that I expect to be abandoned and I think God is too demanding. These truths of the lies I believe are haunting and riveting, exhausting and yet precise. I live by these two lies. And they shape everything. They explain why I give up so quickly when people let me down, when volunteers don't make their commitments, when so called friends walk away.

They explain why I've been avoiding God, timid and cowering, afraid that what will be asked of me is too impossible, too hard, too much sacrifice, too high a price, too great a cost. This explains so much. This is why it's hard to lead. This is why I back down, this is what it means to stand up.

What's the lies you believe? How are they impacting your worldview? Your daily living? Your faith and your future?

what normal is

it's the buzz of the lawn mower circling the back yard,

it's the chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven,

it's the rush of a warm breeze,

it's the steady beat, the pounding lyric, the joy of worship,

it's the promise of family,

it's the dog chasing, the kid's running, the flurry of activity,

that's what normal is....

quiet moments contrasted against a constant of movement,

it's living in a state of tension, of the dreams yet realized,

it's unending, not stopping, continuous, ever-changing,

that's what normal is...

the crucible

how hot the fire

flames that burn

torment and strike

building pain and struggle

fierce

unending

merciless

when does the holiness come?

the righteousness?

the purity?

how hot the fire

how strong the flames

how long, how full, how relentless

in this crucible i lay?