heaven

The bible paints a picture of what heaven will be like; God, in his perfection, at it's center, illuminating the beautiful city.  Heavenly creatures in non stop worship and praise.  Mansions prepared for us.  The climate is jubilant, triumphant and the tenor; melodic.  Righteousness prevails.  Purity wins out.  Truth is proclaimed.  There will be no more weeping, no more illness, no more sin.  It is a city that never ends, never fails, never ceases, never ruins, never tires.  And this human life is just a prelude.  Its a preparation; the foundation of our relationship with God begins here.  But it doesn't end here.  It ends in heaven.  A place where that relationship, once established, will never end.  "I will come back for you," Jesus replies....  "Remember me"  He states...  "Be strong and courageous,"  He urges...  "Love one another,"  He commands.  We got a lot to do in the mean time. He left us with instructions and he left us with a promise.

Patient endurance

Patient endurance.  We are called as a people to patiently endure.  Our time is coming and all that is will be made known.  In the meantime, in the minutes and hours and days and months and years, we are called to wait patiently.  Patience.  Not a minute of grace extended out of mercy.  Not a brief exchange when we feel like it.  But on going, relentless patience.  What does patience look like-the kind that endures people letting us down?  The kind that resurfaces when painful disappointments, mistakes, regrets, and guilt fills us?  It's the patient endurance that grows from a faith that not only convinces us, but consumes us.  A faith that overrides brokenness.  A faith that builds through all of life's events.  It's the kind of faith I am staking my life on.  If I am wrong, I will have lost nothing.  If I am right, my eternity is aligned and clear.

walls

Early on in childhood we learn about rejection; we see injustice, we experience hurt. Sometimes physical pain teaches us life lessons, but more than that, we learn about emotional pain.  The quick learners among us pay attention, noting what words not to say, what emotions not to express that will affect others.  This affect that will cause others to reject us.  We want to be a like.  We want to fit in.  We build walls around our hearts to ensure the sameness will override the differences.  These walls get built brick by brick.  A friend betrays a confidence and a wall of brick is laid.  A parent goes back on a promise.  Another brick.  A teacher speaks a hasty word that criticizes.  Another brick.  We layer these bricks with self-centeredness, with lies, with pride, with anger, rage, malice.  Over the years, the heart is the hardest to reach, the farthest to see, the most deeply hidden.  A suddenly, our heart is full; full of the wrong things, full of the things it was not designed to be full of.  We don't have the strength to remove the walls, we don't have the energy to face the pain, and we don't have the endurance to grieve and then heal.  If our hearts our already full, there is no room for love. 

death

My daughter's friend died yesterday.  It was a sad day.  Many students stood in the hallway and cried as I came to pick her up mid-day.  With wet eyes and a red face, she ran to hug me.  She is quiet, taking everything in.  She is uncertain.  She doesn't know what to think or feel.  Sadness comes in a flurry and as quickly departs again.  Later in the day, we went to the friend's home. His parents quickly embraced her, telling her how much she meant to them, how loved she was.  She brought a card and flowers, tucking in a picture of the two of them.  Today, she went to school, but was bothered by the way people were following her around.  Moment by moment, she is experiencing death-what it means to her, to others, how to talk about it, what to say, it's all so awkward.  Piece by piece falling into place, as her landscape of life and death broadens.  It's humbling and numbing and surreal and very real.  It makes me uncomfortable, but it is necessary. Death leaves an indelible mark.

slowing down

There is an impetuousness to youth; an impulsivity, a driving, a passion that blazes forward. Thoughtless at times, not meaning to offend, but self centered.  I have lived that life with impulsivity; not catastrophically, but with persistence.  I raced forward for the next accomplishment that life told me I needed to attain.  Get married as quickly as possible, have children, find a meaningful work, strive, accomplish.  Don't rest.  Don't stop.  I moved too briefly through each passing, that I never enjoyed them fully.

Growing older is not a curse, it's a blessing.  Slowing down means capturing not only the message, but understanding it's meaning, pondering the possibilities, listening, seeing.  It's not loss as we grow, it's gain.  

I saw a child today, not more than 12 months old, trying to walk.  Mom walked dutifully beside him as he teetered.  She held his hand responsibly.  I saw her face, reading the expression that she could move more quickly if she carried him.  Then I saw the child's face; golden curls, laughing blue eyes, joyful disposition.  I smiled at him and he returned the smile with brilliance.  It was dazzling.  It set my morning into proper perspective.  I want to enjoy each moment.  I won't pass this way again.  Slowing down, observing, listening, and responding; these should be the hallmark of my days.

ingredients to a great story

The first 3 chapters in Genesis contain it all.  God creates a masterpiece, puts people into his creation.  People in love; a man and a woman, created for community.  He gives them purpose and pleasure; care-taking for the creation around them and sexual relation between them. Tension grows when a serpent enters into the plot.  A climax arises when God delivers his curses; one of the serpent, one of the woman, one of the man; the order within which the first sin entered in. And while this transgression is great, God's act of love is to care for the man and the woman, while displacing them from his perfect paradise.  And, angels show up to guard that paradise, to this day, the flaming sword flashes back and forth.  To this very day.  It's all there; God, creation, man, woman, divine love, earthly love, temptation, consequence, angels.  If that is how we began, why would we question, why would we imagine, we are extinct from that today? Why would we doubt the existence of God?  Of consequence?  Of redemption?  Of solution?  We are taught to think above this, but our thinking in this way doesn't exempt us from the realty that we are within it as well.

Temptation

Consider Eve for one moment; she walked in complete security, a man she loved by her side, perfectly suited for her a match in every way.  She lived in a place a beauty, a paradise without discomfort or displeasure.  She walked alongside God in the evening; in complete fellowship and unity.  And she let that all go for temporary pleasure, for temptation.  Was the tempter that convincing?  Was his form that persuasive?  Did boredom compel her forward?  Was it his seductive manner; his questions that pierced to her heart, arrows of doubt?  Whatever it was, he was effective.  So much so, that in an instant, her live, our lives, changed forever.  And if she, in complete comfort, fulfillment, and ease, could so quickly be swept away, are we without hope? The story doesn't end there.  The biblical account continues through legends of heroes and fatal mistakes.  Through generation and again generation until a change of course.  Jesus was born.  And "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." God made Jesus sin.  Our sin.  Yours and mine.  Jesus took on our sin that we may become righteous.  The point isn't that we are tempted, because we've observed that in perfect comfort, we fall.  The point is that we are saved.  Again and again.  All we need to do is repent and seek him.

the daily battlefield for my mind

Not being accustomed to war, not growing up in a war time, seeing my first global conflict of the gulf war on TV in the early 1990's; I cannot connect my mind with the hate that would rage so soundly that people would sacrifice their lives for their cause.  However, living long enough to observe and examine my own frightful and broken nature, I see the inner battle that is waged daily for my mind.  The enemy's deceit is clever; a subtle thought of self defeat, a judging comment on an innocent one around me, the flattering lies that puff up my nature, the recordings of my past playing again and again in my mind of loss and rejection, at times it feels like I cannot control a single thought.  This war, silent but strong can only be combated through the love and grace of God and daily training in His word.  His word is life and truth and freedom.  His love is pure and strong and true.  Why would I resist this love, this life line of hope, to my already weary and battled soul?  The tools needed to fight have been given, will I take them up?

audience of one

For college, our band played in a Christmas event that was filled with much pomp and circumstance. Years of tradition would play out in the collaboration of the event between composers, musicians, readings, and choral pieces. We wore black and white, with a hint of red; we practiced hours and hours and when the event finally arrived, we solemnly took our places. I remember the moment of worship as clearly as I see the world around me today. As a flutist, I would play portions of each piece, counting diligently until my measure arrived, and then play as if I was in an audience of one. I remember the musicians fading away from my mind, the conductor's ferocity blending into the background, the audience slipping away as I played for my maker. It was He and I alone and despite my humanness, he was blessed by my playing. He accepted my gift, he approved of me, he delighted in me. And while I could not see him, I felt his warmth and soaked in the light; I could have played forever....