endless grace

My son has a disability.
A diagnosis.
A thing that impacts all other parts of his life.

 It's not visible upon first inspection of him.   But the deeper you look, the longer you examine, the more you see he's not like others.  He is not like his peers.  He is different.  He stands alone. Separate.

And yet, in this difference, his depth of compassion and grace is richer than my own.
His ability to forgive, to wait until I understand and get it right is limitless.

He's been struggling with a literature class in his school.  He was given an assignment and instead of going through the basic steps of introduction, he was thrown into the fray.  Read the book, discuss, get quizzed on selected chapters, write an essay and develop a soundtrack appropriate for the essay.

As the days passed, his frustration grew.  He didn't comprehend the literature, and so how could he synthesize it? How could he thoughtfully build interpretation, if he hadn't understood? The teacher and the class raced ahead, while he remained, stubbornly, rightly on page one, paragraph one.  Oh, he obeyed and he read.  But he didn't get it.

And finally, I caught up to where he was at. God, in heaven, how I feel like I failed him.  He waited, patiently, as teachers threatened and frustration mounted and he grew confused and shut down, but he didn't move forward from his spot.  He asked questions, but didn't get answers.  It wasn't him.  It was us, the teachers and leaders in his life.

It was us that failed, not him.

And now that I know,
now that I understand, I can help.

I read the first page, aloud,
the opening paragraphs
and as we read,
we discussed,
we defined terms,
and he understood.

How long he waited.
How long I let him down.

As leaders, we race ahead and then have the audacity to get mad at our people because they are confused, they are frustrated.
And we blame them, call them lazy or stupid,
when in all truth, we haven't led well.
We judge their expression,
we conclude their thinking,
we assume so much,
when in truth, we haven't taken the time to investigate.

A good leader has followers who know and understand.
Followers who can agree with mission, repeat vision, and carry out the plan.

I am humbled and amazed at the endless grace my son gave me in this assignment.

How long will it take for me to get it right?
How long must he suffer at our expense?


Be careful how you live, not as unwise, but as wise...Ephesians 5:15

passion: the line between inspiration and alienation

passionate people amaze me;
their single-minded focus, their fervor, their insanity
passionate people stand in line for days for concert tickets,
they cover their bodies in art,
they devote themselves to their cause.

passionate people breathe and live,
sleep and drink,
move and have their being
 molded, shaped, inhabited by their passion.

passionate people are inspiring;
until their passion shifts from inspiration to alienation.
alienation that pits their way of life above all others,
alienation that arrogantly competes and defies all other thinking and being,
alienation from community and unity,
interdependence and harmony.

there is a thin line,
the line of passion,
that can quickly turn affection into indigestion

how to be a person of passion
where persuasion
brings a sharper image,
a better result,
a smoother solution,
a mountain high,
an epic win,
a brilliant combination,
that is remarkable.

difficult leadership decisions

There are moments in leadership when difficult decisions are made, decisions that impact mission or direction or personnel or programs.  Decisions that cannot be fully explained due to professionalism, due to integrity, due to character.

What happens when a leader cannot defend a difficult leadership decision?

It's an incredibly lonely place to be.
It's a difficult place to be.
It's uncomfortable, it's confrontational, it's all-around-adverse.
It's required.
It's necessary.

There is a cost to leading.  The cost is often unknown and unappreciated until the payment is required.
It can cost relationship.  It can feel like betrayal.

Often, it leaves others searching or scratching their heads.  Rumors start.  It gets really messy.  It stems in the need to know why.

And yet, the words of truth, of God tell us that "such things are to lofty for me"
and "what I see now is dim compared to what will be"

There are times in leadership when all things can't be explained,
every detail cannot be made known.
And in those times, trust is everything.

I trust that God will lead in ways I cannot know.
I trust him when I do not understand.
I trust him when things are beyond my tiny mind and my limited reasoning.
I trust him because I don't see the whole picture, I don't have the entire perspective.

Am I a leader that others will follow even when they don't understand?
Am I a leader that others will trust even when it doesn't make sense?
Am I the kind of leader that others support even when I can't paint the entire picture?
When I'm depending on them to support,
be in unity,
team together for the stroke they paint?

I grieve over the times I didn't invest in trust and I tried unsuccessfully to defend.
In the defending I lost so much more that the bragging rights of winning the argument.

Going to hell

Over the years, I've had friends and acquaintances express indifference
about heaven and hell and God and faith.

Often the reply is, "yeah, I know I am going to hell and I'm ok with that."

I experience a range of emotion when I hear that response.  I want to scream and shake them, I want to cry and beg them, I want to eloquently argue against them, I want to change them, wake them up to the flaw, the lie, the deceit they have convinced themselves of.

In a recent study of Jesus' last hours before his crucifixion, he pleaded with God to take the cup of wrath, the oncoming separation from God away from him. Then, Jesus would follow it up with, "but not my will, Lord." Let God's will be done.

So I got to thinking, that Jesus, fully human and completely God, with all the power of the universe, with the strength of all knowledge, and the endurance of eternity, if even he didn't want to go to the depths of hell, why would a mere human choose hell?

Hell in the bible is described as the absence of God.
And God is described as love.
So it stands to reason that hell is a place without God and without love.

And isn't love for, the love of, love itself, the value of living?  Really?  When I unpack all that is good and rewarding and inspiring and joy giving and pleasing in my life it's based, rooted, and grounded in love.

So, about hell.

The place without love.

The place without creation; because creation is an expression of God, an extension of his love.

The place without relationship; because human community was developed out of a relational God who desires community.  He's trinity, Father and Son and Holy Spirit.  He willed and established relationship.  A rescue mission for the state of humanity was constructed through Jesus Christ's perfect sacrifice on the cross.

The place without hope.  Humanity; with all it's emotion, doesn't end once eternity begins.  It's not as if pain and joy and hope and peace and dreams and desires and ambitions end because hell begins.  Hell is a place where human expression has no outlet except weeping and gnashing of teeth.  Imagine feeling the desire, the compelling need for love and the only expression is weeping, sobbing, bawling, distress.  Imagine the desire for food and pleasure, and the only expression is weeping, sobbing, bawling, distress.  Imagine a torture so great that the only mission for relief is death and death cannot come, because the truth is hell is a living, eternal death.

I cannot imagine willfully choosing to be ok with going to hell.  If Jesus, in all his might and power and glory, asked that this sentence through hell and death be lifted and yet he choose it so you and I won't have to go there, why on earth and for all of eternity, would you or I choose it?

The point is we don't have to go to hell.
And the awful truth is that some will choose to go there.
And once the eternal decision is made, it cannot be undone.
The rescue plan through Jesus Christ was offered and it was refused.

It's not as if once eternity begins, you and I will continue to live our life in rebellion toward God here on earth.  That time will pass.
Or that we will be worm food.  We have spirit that doesn't go into the ground.
Or that we will reincarnate as a goat. There is no proof, no logic, no evidence of this.

We will be held accountable, the judgement will happen, and fate will be sealed.

So the question is, "Are you going to hell?"

raising up the next generation

Raising up the next generation starts with one.

A 10 year girl in my ministry completed the SUDS 21-day bible reading, fast, and prayer challenge!  

Here's the story: 

We challenged the kids to consider taking the SUDS 21-day challenge of reading their bible daily, memorizing a verse, fasting from various kid-favorite things to do, and to pray.  SUDS stands for See It,Understand It,  Do It,  and Share It.  See it stands for taking time to read the bible everyday.  Seeing God's word.  Understand means to ask God to show you what the bible means.  Do it encourages kids to do what they read.  And share it means share what you are learning about to others.

I asked this girl why she took on this challenge and she shared that, "I wanted to get closer to God and read my bible more often.  So, I put a reminder on my ipod touch and every day at 3:30, my alarm would go off and instead of reading a chapter book, I'd read my bible on my ipod touch."

What was the hardest part?  I wondered.  

She said giving up candy and sweets.  The SUDS challenge asked kids to give up one fun activity on a rotating basis.  For example, candy/sweets one day, computer games the next.  

Then she shared that this process helped her develop a habit of daily bible reading.  She explains that one day her friend came over and her reminder went off.  She took out the ipod touch and said she needed to read the bible right then and there. Her friend asked her what she was doing.  She explained the challenge.

To keep her going, she'd look at the SUDS calendar to see what she had to give up for each day.  That would help her throughout the day to stay focused.  One day, she reached into the freezer to grab a chocolate covered banana and remembered today was the day to fast from sweets.  So, she choose not to eat the treat.

I asked her to describe what fasting meant to her and she smiled and said, "sacrifice".  She nailed it!

I wanted to know how she would rate her experience;  thumbs up!  thumbs middle?  or thumbs down! 

She said, "thumbs up, it was fun!" and then her ipod touch reminder went off.  The daily reading popped up on the youversion and she shared her verse with me.  "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say Rejoice!"

It takes one.  One to share.  One to experience.  One to impact.  One ripple.

I pray it will spread!

about prophecy

I have these friends that desire a prophetic word.  They hunger for it, wonder about it, long to see it played out in there lives.

They get excited when they talk about prophecy; faces animated, speech rapid and passion-filled.  Longing to see God at work in their lives, they seek out where God might be speaking.  They research prophecy and follow blogs and posts and writings and proclamations. They are desperate to taste the supernatural, indulge in the spirit, overflow with heaven here on earth.  Their eyes are scanning, their minds analyzing, the hearts searching.

I've heard their discussions, wondered about their journey, and considered their conquest.  I've thought about modern-day prophecy.  Are there prophets today?

As I've wrestled with this, I took the ancient path back to the Old Testament.  The prophets of old were given messages to convey to God's people.  The purpose was sure, the Messiah would come.  Don't loose hope, keep your hearts in tune with God's.  Even when your world is crumbling, even when the temple lies in ruins, even when families are separated, forever torn, and the city is gone, even then, have hope because God's promise is sure and his redemptive plan certain.  Prophecy brought a message of hope.

When I consider my friend's longing for a prophetic word today, I see that we have it.  More than one word, more than one vision, we have many, many words.  We have books of words, we have promises of heaven, we know the end.  

We have the written word of God.  And it's enough.  We needn't add to it, desire more than it, expand upon it.  We will be filled to overflowing by reading and memorizing, following and pursuing what's written in God's word every day of our lives.  

I cannot fathom an assignment greater than this one, a mission more eternal than this one, a purpose more all encompassing than this one.  I simply do not need more.  It will be enough for me to humbly, determinedly, completely strive to follow God's word.  I'll stumble and fall and scrape and stutter with this mission as it is.  I do not need more.

known

so i take this paved path for three miles and mark each mile in my mind.  
the first mile is to the stoplight.  it includes 2 moderate inclines and 2 swampy areas.
it runs along the road and the scenery consists of well groomed lawns, fences marking property, potted flowers and gardens.  it is green and lush and well traveled.


the second mile leads to the school.  it has one rolling hill that stretches my legs. 
homes continue along the way, but these are tucked into woods, with winding ribbon-like driveways to exclusive lakefront property.  it reminds me of the cabins up north and the mystery each bit of woods draws out of me.


the third mile is much more twisting and turning, this final mile to the community center.  my destination provides the achievement of my goal; swiping my card and accruing one more day on my monthly goal of 12 visits to the community center.  in turn, i receive a discount on my membership.  it's cool. then, i return home again, 3 miles the other way.


along the way, i often see waterfowl; mallards and snowy white egrets, Canadian geese and an occasional sand hill crane.  i encounter biker, runner, and dog walker.  countless cars pass by.  its busy and yet i am in my own world.


on sunny days, i know what side of the path casts the best shadow.  i anticipate wind direction and sigh in relief when i alter direction and catch a break from it's bursts.  i know the grade, the incline, and bumps and smooth places along the way.  i smell the lilacs, avoid the piles of dog pooh, feel the warmth of the sun, and fill my lungs with oxygen.  its a great exercise.


this path is well known.  i can easily describe it, tell my favorite parts, grumble about the harder parts, and celebrate the journey.  its comfortable and easy.


as i read about Joshua's journey in the bible, i see these words.  


"Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed." 


ponder. meditate.  practice.  know it.


what if i knew God's word, God's directions, God's command as well as i know the path i take to the community center? what if these words were embedded into my dna at such a level that they changed me? transformed me?  impacted and altered me?  

Casually sorry or sorry to repentance?

You've seen it played out a thousand times....maybe it's been you in the past.  It has definitely been me; its being casually sorry and it looks goes like this.

"Oh, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to offend."

"I'm sorry I took your baseball glove without asking and it got wet."

"Soooorrrry."

Kids do this, grown ups do this.  We all do this.  That two-word phrase that gets us off the hook.  It's the password for you're free of the issue, the magic phrase for your no longer in trouble.  It's the kind of sorry that changes virtually nothing after it's been spoken.  Odd, isn't it?  "I'm sorry" should change everything. Impact everything.  "I'm sorry" should adjust the course, create a new direction, modify behavior.  I'd call that kind of sorry casually sorry.  It is easy, convenient, maybe briefly uncomfortable, but not life altering. In my mind it's up there with ask for forgiveness after instead of seeking permission first.

But then there is sorry to repentance.  I heard this phrase in a book I read and it landed in my mind like a ton of bricks, staying where it was placed and altering my thinking.  Sorry to repentance means so much more that "I'm sorry(and I'm only saying it to move on).  Sorry to repentance means I have wounded grievously, I have hurt unnecessarily, I have offended deeply and I am sorry and I want to never do this thing again.

How often are we, you and I, sorry to repentance?  How often do we realize that we cut and cause pain with our words?  How often have our behaviors communicated messages of selfishness and pride? How often do we casually toss forgiveness about without weighing it completely?

I believe if we understood the cost forgiveness took to achieve, we'd consider our attitudes and actions much more clearly.