the angel's song

"Can you hear the sound, the sound of angel's singing, the sound of angel's songs?

Let us join the sound, let us join the singing, let us join the song."

Desperation Band, Angel Song.

The song is in the battle, where nation's rage and bodies lay,

it's in the moment when a baby cries it's first breath,

the song whisper's in the desperate moment of reconciliation,

it shouts in the moment of loss, when the door closes and she walks away

The song sings when voices, lifted up, lay aside their differences, their agenda, their ignorance, and come together for worship; holy and pure

The song plays over the threats of the bully, over the cries of the broken, over the moment of collision when pain is felt and curses are spoken and anguish bleeds out,

The song lingers in the bar rooms and back rooms, in the cruelty of humanity,

the results of hatred, and effects of choice

The song rises up.

Holy, holy, holy

Hallelujah, God Almighty

The One who was and is and is to come,

Holy is His Name

The song sings sweetly in the prayer of tongues,

offering worship and praise

The song dances brightly in the worship of a child,

unfettered, abandoned, bringing glory and purity

The song proclaims in the streets of the city and the

back country roads, the streams in the valley,

and the coasts of the sea

it rises above economic status or social station,

ethic creed, color or nation

Listen to the song, can you hear it singing?

the tail of the turquoise nails

My friend is leaving for a long trip and she's going to reach others for Christ and share her story and I want to remember to pray for her and I'm sincere about this, (breath), BUT, I'm distracted and busy and easily prone to forgetting little details and big events until they are right in front of me so I began to wonder. And ponder. Consider and calculate a way to remember her.

Two things came to mind; toes and turquoise nail polish.

My friend suffers from a painful foot injury and I know it can make her completely miserable and so wanting to give a gift, but not having a lot of cash and wanting to remember to pray for her foot, I thought about her and I painting our toe nails turquoise as a symbol of unity and a promise of prayer.

So my friend looks touched and crinkles up her face as I shyly and hesitantly began to explain my plan.

I start with, "I want to pray for you while you are gone, but I so easily forget. I want to ask God for complete healing for your foot, but if not complete, then I'm asking for release from the pain as you travel (and this is wear I really start to talk fast) so I'm painting my toes nails turquoise to remember you and to daily pray for healing and do you want to too?"

"What?" She says.

"Um....paint your toe nails so we can match and that way you'll know I am remembering you and asking for healing."

"Wow" She says.

Nervously, I wait. (Because no matter how well I know someone, there is a risk in being vulnerable and as one who is so prone to expect rejection, it takes guts to speak up.)

And then she smiles and gives me a hug and my eyes tear up because she says the next coolest thing, "I'm meeting tonight with a friend's family and her son has the gift of healing and he's going to pray for my feet too, so all day today, I have been anticipating this event and you come along to pray, too, and it encourages and confirms what God's doing."

"Wow" I say. "Wow"

So, for the next ten days, I'll shower(because everyone should shower at least once a day) and look at my toes and remember my friend and pray expectantly that her pain will be released if not erased and that's pretty cool.

Can't Do Fast List

The Ten Things I Can't Do Fast List:

1). Drink a steaming cup of Chai tea

2). Drive through the town of Hudson, Wisconsin

3). Color a picture

4). Bake Oatmeal-Chocolate-M & M- monster cookies

5). Train for a race

6). Read and reflect on God's word

7). Save money

8). Take a walk with Charlie

9). Heal. Rest. Take Sabbath.

10). Rush the process

What are you doing today to slow down?

all this pretense

maybe it's nothing short of comedic

maybe it's so horror filled that I can't comprehend it

maybe it's bazaar, too lazy to conclude

whatever it is, it just is.

with a space filled with so much pretense; it's hard to breathe

and that's probably why the logic isn't sound and the reasoning it's right,

there is not enough oxygenated-filled air.

The first in our trio is explanating and expounderating,

the second is moaning and miserating,

and I sit speechless, sipping my tea.

First voice has a reason for everything,

an explanation and a solution,

"if only they'd do it my way.......don't they understand?.....I've lived, I know, it's their fault they don't see my advice, their loss they haven't followed my teaching. I've got all the answers."

Second voice, quieter, but not any sweeter, travails upon "the hopelessness of it all, the inadequacies and the injustices that brought her to this place. It's the circumstances, the lack of others, the darn bad luck, that's what it is."

I sit speechless, sipping my tea.

First voice agrees with Second voice, truly, agrees. "Yes, yes, it's them, it's others, it's challenging, let me sit alongside you, let me do your work for you, I know a better way."

Second voice, subtly delighted with assistance, though wanting it her way, demurs to First Voice, raising an objection until First voice agrees with Second and sound logic, having already fled the room gives way to the ridiculous and a chaotic solution is formed.

I don't know what to say, so I don't, and I sip my tea.

Leaving the silliness, I wonder how I got here. Age and life experience, schooling and religion didn't follow the normal lines in this case. First and Second are elders to me, but reason seems to have left. Conjecture has replaced logic and I no longer run on the same path as they.

My tea turns cold. All this pretense has suffocated me. 32:00 have passed and I can't take it any longer. As gracious as time is, the minutes have departed and with them, so to my guests.

Tea is over. And cups placed in the sink, shoes fitted, and coats fastened send the two voices away. I'm no longer a part of the trio.

I don't mind being a solo act. I'll find new community; and try to write and build and practice and sing a new song. Hopefully this one will be sweet sounding and soul refreshing. I can't take another dirge.

Did you know?

on a bright morning,

in a crowded commons,

with voices rising above,

on a fall day in October,

with the world turing around us,

with time slipping slowly,

I turn.

I look into your eyes.

I remember.

Do you?

Did you know we met before?

Years ago, in the midst of

a busy, ministry season,

You came.

You asked.

You volunteered.

It was preschoolers that you liked best,

maybe it was because your own children were

that age.

We chatted and we agreed.

With busy schedules, you gave what little you had,

you came to help with the kids.

For a time.

A brief season.

Not too long and then you left.

Now we meet again.

Did you know that it would be entirely different circumstances?

When your world would be falling a part?

And the loss cutting so deep?

Did you know Him that can hold you and carry you

and sustain you through the blackest of nights?

You've been busy, the kids have grown, and yet today we honor and remember and celebrate and grieve the loss of your son.

Had you known this is how we'd meet again, would it have made a difference?

I think about it.

I wonder about the now and the forever.

I am challenged to consider today's actions tie into a string of events that impact the new and the next insisting it all means something, believing we are all connected.

a process of obedience

it's a difficult time for a friend right now;

it's hard to see her grieve, to watch her experience pain, to observe her process deep, gut-wrenching emotion.

it's so hard that I'd like to take it from her. To remove the struggle, to make right the wrong, to heal the pain, but I can't.

it's a time when I am wrestling with my own sense of purpose, a time when I want to make the best next step, to make the perfect decision, to lead well.

it's a time of obedience. of seeking. of prayer.

so, I awaken with a thought in my mind; one singular step, a direction. and I know I can blow this or I can take the next step. so, I do. texting my friend, I offer to walk her dogs. (I've never walked two labs). I risk; putting myself out there in relationship and I wait for her response.

she thinks I'm crazy; drive forty minutes to walk two dogs, but she agrees to let me come. so I do.

I walk the dogs.

It's my step of obedience.

It's the process of obedience, the practice of Christ-following.

On the way home, I call another friend. We decide to hold each other accountable to making supper for our families: this isn't obvious or guaranteed and it isn't expected. That's the era I live in, working mom where suppers around the table every night are the exception and not the rule.

That's the next step of obedience, show love and care, service and kindness to my family.

God is ordering my day without me knowing it and the daily anxiety and overwhelmingness of being a wife and mother, director and leader fall away. The second guessing, the guilt-inducing, the temptation-seducing leaves. I'm too busy for those head games today. I'm taking one step after another to follow God. And the thing is, I don't mind it a bit. In fact, I kind of like it. The responsibility is on God's shoulders, not mine. The weight of living right, of performing perfectly, of measuring up to everyone else's expectation isn't clogging me up or weighing me down. I am simply living. As a daughter of the king, I am following orders and I feel free.