more questions than answers

"Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are food for us-they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation." Romans 5:1-4.

How does this translate? What does this mean? take verse one: we have peace-this peace- does it apply to that moment of salvation, to that ideal of redemption with Christ. Will that peace carry me through the agonizing and gut-wrenching decision making of the mundane? Is it accurate to say, "yeah, I have peace in God through the Lord Jesus Christ, but the everyday agony-that's not peace filled. I'll celebrate that once-peace-at-conversion-moment and I'll long for that eternity-bliss-filled-peace, but here, now, I hold on to the thought of peace?"

And how does confidant, joy-filled-forward-looking-contrast to the struggle and reality of all the assaults. Is it an act? A role I play-just pretending it's splendid and magnificent when at it's core; it's fallen and wild and difficult and uncontrollable.

And endurance, this endurance, this posture of joy, this choice of peace, it's an expectation I must own even with the greatest difficulty? Isn't this too much? To not only account for challenge, but to acknowledge a manufactured joy through it? How do you live like that......faith bringing joy? This laughs in the face of the state of the world around me.

faith, being sure of what I hope for,

faith being certain of what I do not see

and this-what I hope for, and what I do not see-conjures up a facade/reality of peace?

how do I live like that?