the art of losing me

so I am sitting in a conference, worshipping the God that I love, when I listen, really listen to the words of the song I am singing.

The song called me to the process of losing me.

The song inspired being consumed from the insight out.

as I listened and sang and worshipped, I wondered. I've been indoctrinated into the mind set, the system of beliefs that I need to find myself, be on a journey of self discovery to fully succeed. That the moment of perfection will be when I see my role, grasp it, pursue it, and thrive in it.

and yet, if I start of journey of losing myself, really losing myself in the path of love, in the quest for Christ following, then I am told I will gain everything.

it's counter to all I know, all I fight for, and all my actions convey. if I were to really lose myself, allow myself to be consumed, I am no longer.

I am no longer in control.

I no longer know.

I do not have the coordinates.

I am not the leader, but the follower.

I release, relinquish, resolve to give all.

and that's terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.