a tiny piece falls away

my heart, finite as it is, is limited in space and capacity and ability.

it is filled with stuff; good and right and holy

AND

corruption and pain and failure

my heart is pieced together with a ragamuffin ribbon of events and experiences,

verses and hopes, promises and plagues, wonder and joy and horror and pain

this collection fragments,

falls to pieces at times.

today, a tiny piece of hope fell away.

i watched it fall.

expectations of what should be

hope of what might be

longing of all that would be

IF not for brokeness and illness.

today, a tiny piece broke away and it ripped and tore and bled a little.

i want so much for my son

the one set a apart

the one i dreamed would be different

the one i gave to God.

a tiny part of what I want fell away.

it's hurt and it's healing.

it's pain and it's growth.

his way will not be what i thought and

i wonder what will come into being,

what part will be filled in.

instead.

what color? what action? what purpose? what intent? what plan?

"faith is being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see."

i'll follow.

blindly.

waiting for restoration,

waiting for a healed and whole heart.