Spirit of fear

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear." Fear-of the unknown, uncertain, unchallenged. Anticipation of rejection, discomfort, pain. Expectations of failure. No effort, no risk. Bland. Blind. Numb. Is that what fear is? All in the mind, talked out of the adventure before I really begin? Examine it closely-fear. What does it smell like? What reference point do I relate it to?

The past. I carry around conversations, rejections, pains from the past? No one else knows. Why would I bring it up? The imprisonment is self-administrated. I placed the hand cuffs on. I tied the rope. I bound my mouth with the gag. No one else. Not one person is bringing up the past.

The future. I could fail, disappoint. I could sin. I could lose. I could be rejected. It's unknown.

I shouldn't try. It would be a disaster. The past has paved the way to writing the future. It's all broken. Why would I think I had the strength to change what's ordained to be? Again, the prison cell door is shut from the inside. By me. My hands closed the door. Slammed it shut. I hold the keys in my hand, but lack the power to open the door. I am enslaved by my doubts. My fears.

Why do I? Why would I sit in the seat of fear, allow a spirit of fear to bind me, when the God of the universe bought me and protected me, covered me, and saved me. When He says, "I have not given you a spirit of fear." If it's not from Him, why do I let it rule me? Oh God, take the keys.