healing

rushing to the pet hospital, I try to restrain taunt muscles of fur, whimpering that can not be reasoned with, pain that cannot be explained. Minutes rush by and I try to hold the dog back, manage the wound, and drive to the hospital.

weaving through traffic, diligent to the task at hand, I seek out help. It will be costly, this process of healing. It will take time. It will take sacrifice. Healing is expensive. It is intensive. It requires diligence to the task, commitment to the process.

and so it begins upon arrival; the dog is admitted for care and five hundred dollars later, having been put to sleep and repaired, stitches angrily mark the evidence of a wound, the tear of fur and the exposure of muscle.

i feel the adrenaline surge and then wain in my body; I am exhausted and the release is heavy. No vomiting, no tears, no sorrow; just a stillness, a shock, and a horror of what I've seen. I replay the scene again and again, the blood dripping, the tissue visible to my eye. I imagine how it feels, every nerve in my body reacting to the anticipated pain. Empathy can cripple at times, and I am overwhelmed.

The healing process will take weeks and my dog will wear the "cone of shame" to prevent his licking the wound. Daily, he'll receive antibiotics. We'll watch diligently for signs of infection. It will take care. And love. Healing requires love, demands that I remain attentive, fully engaged.

Do I think that the person who has wounded me in the past can honestly attend to my healing? Do any of us? When we are wounded deeply, with intent to harm, by that same hand can we find healing?

We are taught to forgive those who hurt us, forgive as we have been forgiven, love as we are loved. But how can we forgive the unforgivable? the unimaginable? the horrific? and the intended?

love teaches us how, the One before us shows us the way, the path has already been walked, and through His power, we can find freedom in forgiveness. But it takes time, it takes commitment to healing, diligence to the process.

am i better Father, from the wounding? am i healed Abba? will it ever end?

To which my Father replies, "Trust in my care, Follow me and my paths of righteousness. Walk beside my still waters and I will give you rest. I will never leave you or forsake you."

Commit to His process. It will take a life time of everyday choices, purposeful decisions, moments of surrender, but healing will begin. Don't let the second of past wounding outweigh a lifetime of healing.