musings

coiled around my stomach is a ball of anxiety and expectation...

expecting and anticipating amazing things to happen,

dreaming of things to come,

watching and wondering,

where is He?

will I see His work?

am I missing It?

and then the human-flesh-response of anxiousness...

emotion packed consumption,

question without answers,

blind faith and trust

i cannot have the holy without the human

i cannot have the joy without the sorrow

trust. obey.

watch. follow.

seek. find.

be.

unexpected gifts

still. dark. quiet.

hush....don't hear

I am coming for you

lights turn on, the room brightens.

gentle, whisper-calm, card laid down.

gift prepared, like a glimmering crown.

she sits up.

grin breaks into a smile,

sparkling eyes dripping with mischief and love

AND THEN

unexpected card, words, gift

tumbles out onto a

delighted-sleepy-eyed

bride.

ahhhh...

sigh.

joy-defined, this gift,

remembered, cherished,

evidence of a love

for all time.

the trio begins

it's psalm 90 day

it's a new day

it's a beginning of a journey

one was called through prayer, another through questions, and a third through stories...the trio joined to embark, to share, to listen, to watch, and to pray.

the vision clear; start among the three, then build.

"Watch me work" the Creator called, "Watch me bless. See my miracles, experience my Glory, delight in my ways, know blessing and conquer challenge. Gain perspective. Number your days. Join me in mission. Come."

confirmed and strengthened, renewed and filled up, the journey begins. We will heed the call and we will come.

the symphony

movement one

a quiet, whispered prayer weaves across the landscape,

an urgent plea from a soft voice moving gently, lightly into the holy temple.

It's fragrance sweet, it's desperation humble. Floating in, it lands in the bowl of incense, holy incense, wafting a hint into the presence of the King. One prayer, spoken in less than a minute, offered up and then forgotten.

movement two

in another region, far from the first, another plea, gaining in strength,yet singular in voice. Lifted up and then forgotten; days passing before another request is offered up. A hint here. A whisper there. Breaking through defenses, weakened, and pathetic. Prayers not voiced from repentance, not filled with faith, random cries. Does the king hear? Does he see? Will he respond?

movement three

stronger now, prayers are offered more urgently as the pain and suffering and evil and fear intensifies; the need for intervention greater than the sacrifice of prayer, loss of self being in control, loss of selfishness, loss of ambition and independence and greed. These things fall away as the greater conviction rises and the call for help increases. Repentance begins and faith shines a little brighter until.....

movement four

a full, united symphony of voices, coming together with conviction and with request, with repentance and righteousness mingles, intertwines, bonding into one cord, praying in one accord for the King's will to be done. And He hears, and He delights, and He forgives and He answers.

the eyes of the dying

the eyes of the dying weren't terror filled, but peaceful

they weren't stricken with pain, but restful

they weren't haunted, but focused on seeing what is beyond, what is yet to come...

She lay in her bed, a sunken form shrouded by blankets, moving ever-so-slightly, her legs would softly wrestle with blankets she was wrapped in

breath in

breath out

breath in

breath out

while music floating on lyrical notes danced around her and the day ended in a winter-filled dusk, she lay

while cars traveled the roads beyond her window and the activity of her home's other residents stirred, she lay

while Dan and I sat, stilled, marking the moment, reading the journal entires, soaking in the pictures of a life well lived, she lay

we approached her then, laying on hands and praising and praying, committing and celebrating, presenting request and hope, she lay

and then, with a brilliant smile and translucent eyes, she spoke

"God bless you"

those words would be the last words we will hear from her this side of heaven

poignant, profound, and rich with meaning, our relationship will end

Good bye for now and God bless

fight for her

she has wounded

he won't wound back

she has betrayed

he has forgiven

she is deceived

he brings truth

she was seduced

he stands strong

she laughs

he weeps

she is bitter

he chooses to love

she is broken

he wants to help her be restored

she is mocking

he is silent

she is cruel

he endures

loves bears all things, endures all things, hopes for all things,

love is unshakable

love is unconditional

love is tenacious

fight for her, in this moment, at this time

bring her back, woo her, sacrifice for her, forgive her, believe in her, surround her, run after her, pursue her, teach and coach and support and listen and care for her.

In the moment of rejection, of devastation, remember your maker and see what once was, what can still be. Draw on the cord of three strands, stand strong, and fight.

eight years old

son, you are eight today

son, you are growing bigger and stronger, more capable and clever

you are bright and fun

you are quick and fast

you bring joy, excitement, interest, and life to all around you!

oh, how I pray that eight will be a step toward greater faith and deeper joy and fuller love

I pray that in this eighth year; you will experience more of the journey God

has laid out before you.

I pray you will seek God first in all things,

that you will ask him for the desires of your heart and

that you will walk in blessing, run in peace, and bring hope to God's people

happy birthday, son!