swirling in glee

So I did a name study today, as I developed my prayer cards for 2013.
I searched out what my name means,
considered it's origins,
pondered it's definitions,
and what I've found leaves me
swirling in glee.

Let me explain.

My chief complaint is that I perceive myself as weak.
my name has origins in a queenly heritage

I believe in the supernatural, the spiritual, at times to my detriment
my name is fairy-like; I come by it honestly and when I see supernatural things, it's because there is a now and there is a not yet

I am, have been, and always will be drawn to light,
delightful of it's far-reaching qualities,
drenching myself of it's splendor,
awed by it's brilliance; I see the new earth illuminated by my King
my name is surrounded in white waves, white-drawn from light, bringing life

I feel painfully naive at times, too innocent, too wimpy
purity of mind, of soul, of heart is blessed

I want to be good, I see the positive, desire to dream of the potential
my very conscience screams in decibels my ears cannot ignore when I sin, when I misstep.  I would be the first criminal to turn myself in and sentence myself to death a thousand times over because my morality convicts me minute by minute.  I am scandalized by my wayward thoughts, horrified by my sinful nature, utterly shocked by the depth, the reality of sin.

I love new beginnings.  I'm a better starter.  I fly from one new thing to the next.
it's my sweet spot; where I like to be.

At the risk of being self-centered and indulgent, let me express that this study has been only affirming, uplifting, insightful.  For despite my father's seemingly random name choice based on the popularity of 1972, my heavenly Father ordained that my name, my being come into it's own for purpose and meaning.  And despite my human beginning, I can be transformed into something more, much more, through the dying of self and the living in Christ, my Lord and my Savior.

I carry hope because the things I battle about me were meant to be. Those things have intention and plan, order and design and when I release, accept, and endeavor to be the me God is refining and transforming, I won't need to apologize or laugh off or be embarrassed or compare any longer.

and that potentialis leaves me swirling in glee

"we are not without hope."