lean in

I sent an e-mail today.

I got a weird response back.

I felt attacked and miss understood.

I wanted to defend, to fight, to explain, to question.....but instead

God wants to me lean in.

Lean in when I feel attacked.

Lean in when I don't understand the response.

Lean in and listen.

Lean in and pray.

It's true that it's the littlest thing that can ignite a fire,

the tiniest moment that can spark an inferno,

and I could've caused a blaze without even knowing it.

As a person of prayer, I need to lean in and pray.

For the next ten minutes, I prayed for every good thing for this person and against every bad thing. I expanded my focus to every good thing that can happen for the organization this person represents and against every bad thing that could befall this organization.

I prayed for my own emotions, releasing the anxiety, the hurt, the worry, the anger of being miss understood, misinterpreted, of miscommunication. I prayed for freedom in Christ, growth in myself, of wisdom and love, of knowledge and hope.

And for good measure, I began to worship.

To be honest, the nest of nerves in my stomach isn't completely gone. But, my mind is no longer reeling and my heart longs to give compassion. The emotions will catch up eventually.

"O God, give me strength to get out of the way.

I want more of you in my life, my work, my e-mails

and less of me. Help me to seek you first in all things,

to ask for repentance quickly, and to be quick to listen.

Help me to lean in when I feel attacked. Help me not

to defend, but in humility, seek you first."