I lose perspective; time ceases to have meaning, things blur together-slurred and unfocused
sometimes I stay in this state for weeks and months; forgetting what is real and eternal, what is sharp and pure and honest and true. sometimes I get lost, my attention is diverted, and I get disoriented. And then, there is a moment of clarity-a gift of honesty, a splash of cold water, a breath of fresh air, and in that moment, truth is revealed.
Truth came today;
I was desperate, running, searching,longing, and grieving.
Truth was spoken in that calm, quiet stillness, when only truth can be known, heard, and understood for what it is.
I learned two things about me today.
I learned that I expect to be abandoned and I think God is too demanding. These truths of the lies I believe are haunting and riveting, exhausting and yet precise. I live by these two lies. And they shape everything. They explain why I give up so quickly when people let me down, when volunteers don't make their commitments, when so called friends walk away.
They explain why I've been avoiding God, timid and cowering, afraid that what will be asked of me is too impossible, too hard, too much sacrifice, too high a price, too great a cost. This explains so much. This is why it's hard to lead. This is why I back down, this is what it means to stand up.
What's the lies you believe? How are they impacting your worldview? Your daily living? Your faith and your future?
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