walls

Early on in childhood we learn about rejection; we see injustice, we experience hurt. Sometimes physical pain teaches us life lessons, but more than that, we learn about emotional pain.  The quick learners among us pay attention, noting what words not to say, what emotions not to express that will affect others.  This affect that will cause others to reject us.  We want to be a like.  We want to fit in.  We build walls around our hearts to ensure the sameness will override the differences.  These walls get built brick by brick.  A friend betrays a confidence and a wall of brick is laid.  A parent goes back on a promise.  Another brick.  A teacher speaks a hasty word that criticizes.  Another brick.  We layer these bricks with self-centeredness, with lies, with pride, with anger, rage, malice.  Over the years, the heart is the hardest to reach, the farthest to see, the most deeply hidden.  A suddenly, our heart is full; full of the wrong things, full of the things it was not designed to be full of.  We don't have the strength to remove the walls, we don't have the energy to face the pain, and we don't have the endurance to grieve and then heal.  If our hearts our already full, there is no room for love.