dying and living

Sadness abounds; death of a loved one, death of a marriage, death of picturesque parenting, death of a relationship.  In the process of living, there is a parallel process of dying.   Fears reign and darkness fills the day.  It’s bleak & hopeless, there is much to be overwhelmed by.

And then these words come, this picture is painted, this melody of hope sings loudly, this ribbon of truth is woven;

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you,

I have called you by name, and you are mine.

When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

You will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of opposition,

You will not be burned up;

The flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God,

The Holy One of Israel, your savior…

You are precious to me,

You are honored, and

I love you.”

Isaiah 43

Grieving family, you are loved.

Hurting wife, you are precious.

Disillusioned and fearful parent, you are not alone.

And, little girl, you will not be consumed.

You are rescued, you are saved.

Moving from caution to courage....

How do I move from caution to courage? Life in suburbia U.S.A. is clinical, sterile, cautious, carefully planned. Grass grows in neat lawns, trimmed regularly Gardens bloom in carefully placed plots, fences in place, with only one gate Cars sleep in measured out stalls where garage doors close Socks in the sock drawer, Spoons washed and neatly tucked into silver wear bins, Labeled water bottles, labeled coffee mugs, labeled junk drawers, Labels and categories, Lids and containers, Plans and calendars, Inboxes and mailboxes and donation boxes and school paper boxes Life tucked into twenty hour increments. This kind of living leads to caution. Where comes the courage for living when everything is so carefully, cautiously arranged?

a prayer for my friend

Oh Lord,

Give her new eyes to see
Give her a new hope to believe
Give her a new path to follow, and a new life to lead

Give her a new joy to fill
Give her new hands to praise
Give her a new promise to cling to, and new love to feel

Give her a new mind to experience
Give her a new mission to accomplish
Her life is radically changed, give her a faith that's bigger, bolder, stronger, and braver to be.

Amen.

living a layered life

We live our life in layers,
but we try to put life in boxes

In finite minds, that are bound, we categorize to control
In time-formed days, we desire to accomplish one thing first, then the next
In a shaped destiny beyond our understanding, we fight and struggle, rebel and resist
box after box,

but yet,

we find that somethings don't fit under our wildest imaginations,
we cannot create a box to conform to real life.

Its time to throw out the boxes.

Living a layered life, to me, means that at any one moment, I represent so many different things.
I am-my identity
I am skills-my ability
I am adult-my expectations
I am human-my emotions
I am spirit-my soul
I am created-my beginnings
I am eternal-my ever afters

These layers ever exist,
dancing within one another,
ever breathing, continually being.

Layers of living in gold and magenta, sapphire and emerald.

At times, one hue rises above another
At times, hues collide in a kaleidoscope of color
At times, a mass of chaos

But always moving, forming, shaping, creating
Living a layered life is a multi-spectrum, technicolor event.

In box form, we segment,
but in reality, it's all there, blending and weaving, twisting and dancing...

I think understanding will change everything

endless grace

My son has a disability.
A diagnosis.
A thing that impacts all other parts of his life.

 It's not visible upon first inspection of him.   But the deeper you look, the longer you examine, the more you see he's not like others.  He is not like his peers.  He is different.  He stands alone. Separate.

And yet, in this difference, his depth of compassion and grace is richer than my own.
His ability to forgive, to wait until I understand and get it right is limitless.

He's been struggling with a literature class in his school.  He was given an assignment and instead of going through the basic steps of introduction, he was thrown into the fray.  Read the book, discuss, get quizzed on selected chapters, write an essay and develop a soundtrack appropriate for the essay.

As the days passed, his frustration grew.  He didn't comprehend the literature, and so how could he synthesize it? How could he thoughtfully build interpretation, if he hadn't understood? The teacher and the class raced ahead, while he remained, stubbornly, rightly on page one, paragraph one.  Oh, he obeyed and he read.  But he didn't get it.

And finally, I caught up to where he was at. God, in heaven, how I feel like I failed him.  He waited, patiently, as teachers threatened and frustration mounted and he grew confused and shut down, but he didn't move forward from his spot.  He asked questions, but didn't get answers.  It wasn't him.  It was us, the teachers and leaders in his life.

It was us that failed, not him.

And now that I know,
now that I understand, I can help.

I read the first page, aloud,
the opening paragraphs
and as we read,
we discussed,
we defined terms,
and he understood.

How long he waited.
How long I let him down.

As leaders, we race ahead and then have the audacity to get mad at our people because they are confused, they are frustrated.
And we blame them, call them lazy or stupid,
when in all truth, we haven't led well.
We judge their expression,
we conclude their thinking,
we assume so much,
when in truth, we haven't taken the time to investigate.

A good leader has followers who know and understand.
Followers who can agree with mission, repeat vision, and carry out the plan.

I am humbled and amazed at the endless grace my son gave me in this assignment.

How long will it take for me to get it right?
How long must he suffer at our expense?


Be careful how you live, not as unwise, but as wise...Ephesians 5:15

passion: the line between inspiration and alienation

passionate people amaze me;
their single-minded focus, their fervor, their insanity
passionate people stand in line for days for concert tickets,
they cover their bodies in art,
they devote themselves to their cause.

passionate people breathe and live,
sleep and drink,
move and have their being
 molded, shaped, inhabited by their passion.

passionate people are inspiring;
until their passion shifts from inspiration to alienation.
alienation that pits their way of life above all others,
alienation that arrogantly competes and defies all other thinking and being,
alienation from community and unity,
interdependence and harmony.

there is a thin line,
the line of passion,
that can quickly turn affection into indigestion

how to be a person of passion
where persuasion
brings a sharper image,
a better result,
a smoother solution,
a mountain high,
an epic win,
a brilliant combination,
that is remarkable.

difficult leadership decisions

There are moments in leadership when difficult decisions are made, decisions that impact mission or direction or personnel or programs.  Decisions that cannot be fully explained due to professionalism, due to integrity, due to character.

What happens when a leader cannot defend a difficult leadership decision?

It's an incredibly lonely place to be.
It's a difficult place to be.
It's uncomfortable, it's confrontational, it's all-around-adverse.
It's required.
It's necessary.

There is a cost to leading.  The cost is often unknown and unappreciated until the payment is required.
It can cost relationship.  It can feel like betrayal.

Often, it leaves others searching or scratching their heads.  Rumors start.  It gets really messy.  It stems in the need to know why.

And yet, the words of truth, of God tell us that "such things are to lofty for me"
and "what I see now is dim compared to what will be"

There are times in leadership when all things can't be explained,
every detail cannot be made known.
And in those times, trust is everything.

I trust that God will lead in ways I cannot know.
I trust him when I do not understand.
I trust him when things are beyond my tiny mind and my limited reasoning.
I trust him because I don't see the whole picture, I don't have the entire perspective.

Am I a leader that others will follow even when they don't understand?
Am I a leader that others will trust even when it doesn't make sense?
Am I the kind of leader that others support even when I can't paint the entire picture?
When I'm depending on them to support,
be in unity,
team together for the stroke they paint?

I grieve over the times I didn't invest in trust and I tried unsuccessfully to defend.
In the defending I lost so much more that the bragging rights of winning the argument.