conclusion jumping

I struggled intensely with depression for a few years; I went through the motions of diagnosis, medication, and therapy and what I learned was profound.  Having been introduced to Cognitive Behavior Therapy during this season, I was instructed on the illogic of conclusion jumping. CBT taught me when emotionally and intellectually in a depressed state of mind, I was led to making a lot of assumptions and jumping to a lot of conclusions.  And these results led to chaos, pain, rejection, and sickness.  Mental sickness.  Emotional sickness.  Spiritual sickness. Physical sickness.

My mind would cycle in a process of assumption, conclusion, and depression.  Again and again, I'd whip around this torrent of emotion.  I was a mess.  Often the experience would go something like this. I feel bad.  Someone looks at me.  I think they hate me.  I feel worse.

This would happen again and again.  I'd assess a situation.  I'd wrongly conclude based on limited data.  I would be even worse off than before.

I see this kind of thinking rampant all around us.  We, sinners by nature, take a few pieces of information and conclusion jump. TV Shows are famous for this, it's funny!  Movies and books are written, telling stories of two characters perceiving and concluding and the results are disastrous. Romeo thought Juliet was died.  So he died.  She awoke.  Tragedy!

The less we conclude, the more we ask questions, the less we judge, the more we love...ultimately, that's what God has called us to do.

wonder

It's a life changing, family altering kind of day.
A day of surrender. A day of change.

For six years, we've trained and toiled, loved and developed, nagged and laughed, cuddled and wrinkled our noses at Charlie, our cocker spaniel.

We got him when the kids were 3, 8, and 10.
We've seen him through shots, and kenneling, snowstorms and fireworks.

We've laughed at his endless pursuit of chasing tennis balls and gray squirrels and wild rabbits parading through our yard.  We've taught him tricks, messed with his toys, and cleaned up his piles of pooh.

It's taken days to come to this decision, tears shed, notes written, arguments given.  A weight pressed down on us all in different ways, but we accept it as it is.

Surrender day.

And I awakened to this day with a sense of wonder, not weariness.  Of awe and not sadness.

Expectancy.
Anticipation.

What's new that God is doing?
Where will I see His hand print next?
What new expression of mission will He have for me?

It's not what I thought I'd feel.

A quiet peace.
A release.
And a wonder.

hours of ordinary

Life is filled with hours of ordinary developing our character and then highlighted with brief minutes of magnificence;  and it's in these minutes that character is defined.

Hours of shaping response, of creating habits,
hours of practicing words and actions, thoughts and deeds,
hours of longing and hoping, lusting and pursuing,
hours of worship and reverence, awe and wonder,
hours of waiting, of growing patience, of learning, or living
simply hours of passing time.  And all that time, all those hours translate at the moment of brilliance, magnificence, transcendence, when character is revealed.

Often, these moments sneak up unaware.
At times, these moments are displayed in front of an audience.
Other times, these moments are quiet, unassuming, potent and deadly.
Always, these moments impact.

How are you spending your hours?
What do they reveal about who you are?

dying and living

Sadness abounds; death of a loved one, death of a marriage, death of picturesque parenting, death of a relationship.  In the process of living, there is a parallel process of dying.   Fears reign and darkness fills the day.  It’s bleak & hopeless, there is much to be overwhelmed by.

And then these words come, this picture is painted, this melody of hope sings loudly, this ribbon of truth is woven;

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you,

I have called you by name, and you are mine.

When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

You will not drown.

When you walk through the fire of opposition,

You will not be burned up;

The flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God,

The Holy One of Israel, your savior…

You are precious to me,

You are honored, and

I love you.”

Isaiah 43

Grieving family, you are loved.

Hurting wife, you are precious.

Disillusioned and fearful parent, you are not alone.

And, little girl, you will not be consumed.

You are rescued, you are saved.

Moving from caution to courage....

How do I move from caution to courage? Life in suburbia U.S.A. is clinical, sterile, cautious, carefully planned. Grass grows in neat lawns, trimmed regularly Gardens bloom in carefully placed plots, fences in place, with only one gate Cars sleep in measured out stalls where garage doors close Socks in the sock drawer, Spoons washed and neatly tucked into silver wear bins, Labeled water bottles, labeled coffee mugs, labeled junk drawers, Labels and categories, Lids and containers, Plans and calendars, Inboxes and mailboxes and donation boxes and school paper boxes Life tucked into twenty hour increments. This kind of living leads to caution. Where comes the courage for living when everything is so carefully, cautiously arranged?

a prayer for my friend

Oh Lord,

Give her new eyes to see
Give her a new hope to believe
Give her a new path to follow, and a new life to lead

Give her a new joy to fill
Give her new hands to praise
Give her a new promise to cling to, and new love to feel

Give her a new mind to experience
Give her a new mission to accomplish
Her life is radically changed, give her a faith that's bigger, bolder, stronger, and braver to be.

Amen.

living a layered life

We live our life in layers,
but we try to put life in boxes

In finite minds, that are bound, we categorize to control
In time-formed days, we desire to accomplish one thing first, then the next
In a shaped destiny beyond our understanding, we fight and struggle, rebel and resist
box after box,

but yet,

we find that somethings don't fit under our wildest imaginations,
we cannot create a box to conform to real life.

Its time to throw out the boxes.

Living a layered life, to me, means that at any one moment, I represent so many different things.
I am-my identity
I am skills-my ability
I am adult-my expectations
I am human-my emotions
I am spirit-my soul
I am created-my beginnings
I am eternal-my ever afters

These layers ever exist,
dancing within one another,
ever breathing, continually being.

Layers of living in gold and magenta, sapphire and emerald.

At times, one hue rises above another
At times, hues collide in a kaleidoscope of color
At times, a mass of chaos

But always moving, forming, shaping, creating
Living a layered life is a multi-spectrum, technicolor event.

In box form, we segment,
but in reality, it's all there, blending and weaving, twisting and dancing...

I think understanding will change everything