Presence

Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

His presence is with us; God, Almighty, the creator of the universe is with us. His presence is real and active; He Is is with you and me. He is near. And He is our God. And as God, he will strengthen us and help us. He will uphold us-being held by the Savior of all, and not being held be two fingers, loosely and carelessly, but held by righteousness, power, and strength.

His presence is in real time and his grip is secure. He won't drop you, he won't leave you, he won't forget you, God is so close that He's holding you.

summer evening

catching milk weed in the summer breeze

as it carries sweet air

whistling through my handle bars

as I bike past

gold finches dancing on the cat tails;

the sun dipping low on the horizon

as another summer night comes into view

welcome, still night, and wrap your warmth around me.

"Watch This, Mom!"

"Hey Mom, check out this move. Watch me do yoga on my bike!" "Mom, did you see that?" "Mom, can you help me open this banana?" "Mom, can you cut it?" "Mom, watch me throw this ball over the house, I bounced it on the ground and everything......" "Mom" "Mom!" "Mom?"

It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter what he does. It could be the most imperceptible move ever.... It could be amazing, a big jump off the dock or a brilliant move on the bike. The most important thing is that I looked. I saw. I acknowledged.

Parenting can be so exhausting. Unimpressive. It can appear like I'm making no head way at all. You know, shoveling while the snow is still falling, sweeping while the sand is still blowing......parenting can be so demanding. But when I consider what is being asked of me at the moment, the single second in time, is no greater than a "good job!" "I saw it, son!" "Wow, that was great!" I am humbled. And thankful. I've been assigned to this moment. I need to fully engage, fully feel, fully be in it. I can do it.

wrong information

so you are traveling along and GPS says turn right and you do and you find yourself in the wrong location. Wrong information. Something along the way didn't work and you ended up lost.

so your family believes a lie once told by the patriarch that has wrecked havoc on each member and broken relationship, caused unhealthy alliances, family members disowning each other. Wrong information. A lie causes irreparable damage.

you find yourself pursuing a career that never felt right, never suited you, takes away from you rather than filling you up. Your path was paved by greed. You believed it to be right and now you are stuck; debt to pay, bills piling up, all because of the wrong information.

A lie is told, one small lie, judgment is passed and a world of hurt propels you into a life of a pain. Walls go up, you refuse to love again. Really, authentically, truly love. It just hurts too much.

What wrong information are you carrying today? Do you even recognize the lie that it is?

holding my breath

As I kid, I remember holding my breath and thinking I was drowning. It was a church picnic, no less, which in my mind exempts all bad things from happening because there should be holy people, God's favorites, all around. It should be a most blessed occasion, don't you think? Everyone looking out for everyone, everyone treating each other with kindness. I am so naive. Anyway, so I remember jumping off the dock and when I came up for air, I could not. I had jumped off and when I pushed up, I was under the dock, instead of beside it. I was so disoriented. I was struggling. I was holding my breath. I tried not to panic as I kicked off the ground and swam further from the deck. The worst part was that no one noticed it. I came up for air and all around me kids were laughing and splashing and swimming.

I've had other times when I've held my breath; delivering children, waiting for my husband to come home, hoping for success at work. But today, I am holding my breath for a different reason. I am waiting for life to really begin. It's weird, but I want more from this life. I am not satisfied. I am holding my breath and waiting.

thrill

"to affect with a sudden wave of keen emotion or excitement, as to produce a tremor or tingling sensation through the body"-Thrill.  As in, "I was thrilled to see my family after our long absence from one another."  Or, "It was a thrilling sight; the sun setting over the mountains, casting beams of rose, orange, and deep purples throughout the sky."  To be thrilled is a feeling of pleasure.  

"You thrill me, LORD, with all you have done for me!"  Psalm 92:4.  I've never thought of God in that way, thrilling me, causing a tingling sensation through my body.  But there is truth, deep truth, because truly all that I am, any good at all, is because of God's mercy.  So often, I am quick to blame God for my troubles, my discomfort, my pain, and my sadness.  When I disengage from God being tied to faults, own them for what they are as a result of my choices, then I arrive at the place were God can thrill me.  

It's always a choice. I choose to be thrilled.

Learning to Live Loved

In Wm. Paul Young's book, The Shack, there is a line that reads, "learn to live loved."  When I read those words, the phrase jumped off the page, climbed into my heart and nestled into a warm spot, melting fear and uncertainty and anxiety away.  What does learning to live loved really mean?

I've turned the phrase over and over again in my mind since that moment, and I've found it to be  challenging and delightful.  If I am loved, and I am convinced that I am, than I have so much more to give, so much more to learn, and so much more to do.  Being loved means loving others, the kind of can't-help-yourself because you are so full of it that it spills over into everything kind of love.  Like when you are eating Thanksgiving dinner and you don't mind tipping over the top with fullness because it tastes so good.  Or like walking through the park of Walt Disney World, truly believing that your heart will burst because your kids are happy and your spouse is happy and you are happy.  Or like watching the stars on a bright night, so full of wonder that you know God is real.  Learning to live loved has the power to change everything.