conclusion jumping

I struggled intensely with depression for a few years; I went through the motions of diagnosis, medication, and therapy and what I learned was profound.  Having been introduced to Cognitive Behavior Therapy during this season, I was instructed on the illogic of conclusion jumping. CBT taught me when emotionally and intellectually in a depressed state of mind, I was led to making a lot of assumptions and jumping to a lot of conclusions.  And these results led to chaos, pain, rejection, and sickness.  Mental sickness.  Emotional sickness.  Spiritual sickness. Physical sickness.

My mind would cycle in a process of assumption, conclusion, and depression.  Again and again, I'd whip around this torrent of emotion.  I was a mess.  Often the experience would go something like this. I feel bad.  Someone looks at me.  I think they hate me.  I feel worse.

This would happen again and again.  I'd assess a situation.  I'd wrongly conclude based on limited data.  I would be even worse off than before.

I see this kind of thinking rampant all around us.  We, sinners by nature, take a few pieces of information and conclusion jump. TV Shows are famous for this, it's funny!  Movies and books are written, telling stories of two characters perceiving and concluding and the results are disastrous. Romeo thought Juliet was died.  So he died.  She awoke.  Tragedy!

The less we conclude, the more we ask questions, the less we judge, the more we love...ultimately, that's what God has called us to do.

wonder

It's a life changing, family altering kind of day.
A day of surrender. A day of change.

For six years, we've trained and toiled, loved and developed, nagged and laughed, cuddled and wrinkled our noses at Charlie, our cocker spaniel.

We got him when the kids were 3, 8, and 10.
We've seen him through shots, and kenneling, snowstorms and fireworks.

We've laughed at his endless pursuit of chasing tennis balls and gray squirrels and wild rabbits parading through our yard.  We've taught him tricks, messed with his toys, and cleaned up his piles of pooh.

It's taken days to come to this decision, tears shed, notes written, arguments given.  A weight pressed down on us all in different ways, but we accept it as it is.

Surrender day.

And I awakened to this day with a sense of wonder, not weariness.  Of awe and not sadness.

Expectancy.
Anticipation.

What's new that God is doing?
Where will I see His hand print next?
What new expression of mission will He have for me?

It's not what I thought I'd feel.

A quiet peace.
A release.
And a wonder.

hours of ordinary

Life is filled with hours of ordinary developing our character and then highlighted with brief minutes of magnificence;  and it's in these minutes that character is defined.

Hours of shaping response, of creating habits,
hours of practicing words and actions, thoughts and deeds,
hours of longing and hoping, lusting and pursuing,
hours of worship and reverence, awe and wonder,
hours of waiting, of growing patience, of learning, or living
simply hours of passing time.  And all that time, all those hours translate at the moment of brilliance, magnificence, transcendence, when character is revealed.

Often, these moments sneak up unaware.
At times, these moments are displayed in front of an audience.
Other times, these moments are quiet, unassuming, potent and deadly.
Always, these moments impact.

How are you spending your hours?
What do they reveal about who you are?