climbing trees

Maybe it's time to climb a tree and see things in a new way.

It all started one bright fall day when my daughter and I picked up our cameras and decided to take a photo shoot of the maple tree in our front yard.  The lighting was magnificent and the leaves, hue by hue were transforming into an autumnal wonderland.  We were memorized.  Abi, the daring and adventurous one, climbed the tree while I remained surefooted on the ground.  Photo after photo was taken, filters added, frames changed, cropping applied until we had taken a simple, elegant leaf and created new art.

As all things go in nature, there is a constant stream of study change and as I fast forward from the magical moment with Abi to today, I find the maple tree in the front yard completely transformed.  Changed.  Brighter burgundy, deeper crimson, vibrant orange, brighter yellow; it's astonishing.  I walked around the tree, sans Abi, this morning, trying to capture just the right amount of morning light as it glowed on the leaves.  While this process was ok, I just wasn't satisfied.

Curious, I climbed into the maple tree-to see it's full glory, to embrace it's totality, to experience a new way of looking, of seeing, and I was humbled, awed.  It's brighter up here, it's more full of light, it's layered with texture and grain, smooth elegance and staccato filled movement.  It's gorgeous!  And I would have completely missed it had I not be watching and wondering, observing and learning from my daughter.

What are you facing?  What unsolvable problem is wreaking you today?  How can you see things in a new way?  Climb a tree!  Consider another perspective.  Walk in someone else's shoes.  Take up the burden of another.  Try to understand in a new way.  It's worth the added effort and the momentary detour.

every hero needs a villain

every story, real story,
needs a villain

it would be ridiculously boring to write a tale about a brave hero who kept their socks clean, their room, tidy, as they went off to sit at a desk and smile.

it would be notoriously mind-numbing to live a life where there wasn't a conflict,
a struggle to push through, a hill to climb, a goal to complete, a skill to master.

every plot that ever was needs a character of strength that fights epic battles,
wins the war through enormous personal growth, and brings home the prize.

every good story needs a conflict where honor and integrity rise above the unimaginable odds and
rescue and redemption are achieved.

The problem begins and ends when the hero focuses on the villian and not the strategy to overcome.
The issue arises when the hero looses hope, becomes overwhelmed, and can't talk themselves through to the solutions. This is where battles are fought and won.  In the mind, before one even engages in the reality of the battle around them.

Dare to let the villain spur you to greatness,
leverage the power of the bad to surge you to press on to the good,
let it motivate,  use it as a tool....

We cannot take our eyes off of the goal, no matter how much smack is talked,
how great the cost, how ridiculous the pressure to re-orient,
-to pay attention to the distraction is the most deadly move a hero can make.

keep the focus,
go above, stretch beyond,
journey by faith,
believe in the unseen,
and rise to fight

confession from a hopefully recovering people pleaser

A people pleaser does what others ask; no matter what.

Need help?  I'm your girl.
Want an idea?  I'll think one up.
Have a task to complete?  I'll jump in.
Don't want to do something?  Sure, I can cover for you.
Can't make the obligation you said you would do?  No problem, I'll handle it.

And then there is my own responsibilities.

I need help...but I can't ask others because that's not what people pleaser's do.
It wouldn't please them.
I want a better idea...but I can't ask because I should have figured it out on my own.
It wouldn't benefit others if they knew I didn't have all the ideas.
I have too many tasks to complete....but it's my fault because I'm not a good manager.
It would prove to others I'm not capable.
I don't want to do something......but I have too, so I'll bend my skill set, adapt, push through, argue with my inner self, because that's what's expected.
It wouldn't be good to show I can't do it all.
I need to fulfill all my obligations because that's integrity and honor.
It wouldn't be right to show others I make mistakes, I fail.

And failure is never an option to a people pleaser.

And that's the art of self-sabotage,
multiplied by thousands of thoughts, actions, decisions,
every day.

No wonder I need rehab.

zeal for your house consumes me

the greatest lesson I learned while training to run marathons was
the all consuming discipline of following
the training schedule.

nothing dominated my brain more than
when the next run
was to take place.

what time would I run?
what would I eat?
how much water had I taken in?
had I used the bath room?
where would I use a bathroom on long runs if I had to go?
was it a day of rest?
how many miles did I have to complete?
how fast was each mile?
should I stash a water bottle along the way?
what trail would I follow?
how many hills did my run have?
how quickly would I recover?
did my breathing sustain over the long runs?
would I get cramps in my legs?
what would I wear as I ran?
should I wave, smile, or say to hi other runners?
do I have the right music to listen to?
should I listen to music while running?
what is the weather like?
what kind of road conditions are present?
did I have clean running gear?
how many miles were on my shoes?
why did they change the asics 2150's?
how come I was getting blisters?

these questions would go around and around,
on and on in my brain
and it would repeat after each box was checked and each training run completed.

it consumed me.
nothing rose above the Hal Higdon training schedule in my mind.
nothing.

Today I read that the zeal for your house consumes me*.
Zeal-even more passionate than addiction and fear,
Zeal-even more poetic and heroic than hate,
Zeal for his father's house drove every move.
And this zeal for God drove Jesus.
Every day.
It defined every action,
It guided every thought,
It completed every sentence.

In this day, will I choose to make
my God my all-consuming motive, action, thought, word, and deed?

*John 2:17

luke 5: 16

16But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed

Such a simple sentence.
A moment of surrender, when Jesus stepped back.

I think the word often screams loudly.
A posture, a habit, a way to live.

withdrew.
step away and retreat.

lonely places.
for much of my life,
I've feared lonely places.
They seem so alone. so un fun. 
so quiet.  
boring. 
unproductive. 
a violation of all I grew up to believe and to do.  
Better to be asleep or dead than to be alone and un working.

But if I'm to be like my master, my savior, 
I'm to copy, to repent, to do what he does.

pray.

pray.

pray.

I wonder for as much as I talk, listen to others, and do

I should be infinitely more praying, and soaking, reading, listening,  and obeying my master?

to live.

to live,
be.

to be humble,
serve people who have no intention of serving you back.

to love,
give freely without expectation, qualification, definition, or reservation.

to dream,
tear away all that binds and encroaches and risk

to feel,
open up to all emotion

to know,
consider all possibility

to accept,
push beyond convention to truth
they are completely different

to understand,
walk blindly in faith

to be free,
dance and run and breath and grow and change.

the human design

It is my belief that humans are designed for faith and for reason.
It is my position that humans need a balance of structure and freedom,
work and play, growth and rest, push and pull.

We are complex and multifaceted.
Each day needs the recipe of spirit and of physical presence.
We are not capable of thriving in extremes for long periods of time;
not in our thinking,
not in our loving,
not in our working,
not in our playing.

Too much will corrupt us.

They only way to discover true self is to seek the one who created us.
To soak in His teaching,
to receive His love,
His sacrifice,
His truth.

And this journey is life-long, never-ending; save death.

I need both activity and stillness.
I need a life work that fulfills and satisfies as much as I need a place of quiet and rest.
I need to create and converse as much as I need to be silent and receive.
I need community and love, critique and coaching as much as I need reflection.

I long to be alone in a measured and properly dosed kind of way.
Just enough to be quiet and still.

I long to be healthy with the proper balance of taking and giving,
blessing and receiving, and I am learning that no one, save my savior and me will do it for me.